Product Review: Walkers

Here at The Doctor and The Dad, we’ve got a serious bone to pick with walkers. What kind of walkers, you ask? All of ‘em. So let’s get right to it.

Baby Walkers

First up are “baby walkers,” those huge, boat-like contraptions made by lots of different companies that allow your child to sail freely around the house, bumping into furniture and terrifying cats all the way. Some feature sparse, minimalist designs, while others have up to about 1,000 light-up doodads that can keep your child busy for hours. You’ll find walkers disguised as tricked-out cars, safari adventures and rave-inducing DJ booths. But all of them have the same basic features in common.

And none of them will teach your child to walk.

Research shows that the kids who spend the most time in walkers are actually the latest ones to learn how to walk. The American Academy of Pediatrics has gone as far as to recommend that walkers be banned because of their negative effect on children’s development and the safety risks they pose to children. (Apparently some parents are prone to using walkers near un-gated stairs and swimming pools, or near coffee pots, switchblades and other hazards set on high surfaces that walker-aided kids can reach).

If you want to help your child learn to walk – and develop lots of other great skills as well – skip the walker and stick to some good, old-fashioned crawling. Your child is naturally curious and motivated to explore, and in doing so he develops motor and cognitive skills beyond those that any baby gadget could ever teach him. So baby proof your home, and watch your little one go!

The Walking Dead Walkers

There are numerous problems with these kinds of “walkers” – they grunt too much, their skulls are so weak that they can be instantly crushed by a tennis shoe, and they tend to be really boring for about three or four episodes in a row, and then just when you’re about to give up on them and swear off the show for good, they’ll have one awesome episode that sucks you back in.

But the biggest problem with these walkers is their name. Most of the characters call them “walkers,” and a few others call them “biters.” The Walking Dead is supposed to take place in a future version of our world – yet apparently it’s a version of our world in which no one has ever heard of the word zombies. What the H, people? They’re zombies. Just call them zombies already. Why are you getting all poetic about it?

Also, they won’t teach your child to walk.

Walkers Prawn Cocktail Potato Crisps

Okay, we admit it. We actually have no problem with these Walkers. They sound super disgusting, but they’re awesome.

Go to England, grab a pint at the nearest pub and eat some of these. You won’t regret it. Of course, if you have too many pints while you’re eating them –

You may forget how to walk.