Our daughter’s first grade teacher has a superpower.
Well, he probably has more than one, since he manages to care for, keep track of and somehow even teach over 20 six-year-olds all at once.
But the particular superpower we’re talking about is his ability to never, ever, like-seriously-not-ever yell at the kids. And yes, we absolutely consider this a superpower, since we only have three kids, yet find ourselves yelling at them all the time.
So to give our voices (and our kids’ ears) a break, we decided to ask this soft-spoken superhero for some pointers that we – and you – could use at home.
Have you seen the Bounty commercial with a little boy showing his baby brother how to use a straw to blow bubbles in his chocolate milk? The kid makes a truly epic mess, with thick streams of dark, sugary moo juice flowing out of his cup, over the sides of the dining room table, and onto the floor below.
What’s their mom doing during all this, you might ask?
Oh, just thinking that it’s pretty much the most adorable thing she’s ever seen.
We recently debuted Elf on the Shelf in our house. In case you haven’t already heard of it, EOTS is the newest craze in holiday-themed kid control. If the thought of Santa simply knowing whether your children are bad or good isn’t enough to prevent them from engaging in sleighfuls of coal-worthy behavior, you can stick this tiny stuffed elf someplace prominent (like on a shelf, for instance), and the cheery little narc will monitor your kids’ naughty/niceness each day, sending some presumably highly influential reports straight to the big man up north.
So it’s a totally easy way to keep the kids in line.
Our longest “Ask the Doctor (or the Dad)” question to date comes from a shell-shocked guy named Gar:
My three year old is a terrorist. He cries to get what he wants (e.g., toys, a bathroom chaperone, cookies). Lately, we have started fighting terror with terror, putting him in timeout or threatening his beloved stuffed animals to force him to obey us and stop crying. As in the Middle East, This usually escalates the conflict and results in more crying before we exhaust him or a settlement is reached (sadly we do negotiate with terrorists). All of this feels wrong, is it?